Someone very wise once said to me,
“Ronia your weakness is that you are TOO nice and that you want EVERYONE to like you! ”
I absolutely valued their honesty (because brutal honesty is rare ~ just saying) and this took me on a whole journey of discovering what does Too Nice actually look like vs a person who has a good old what Drake would call Nice For What mentality!
I won’t lie, everything in me wanted to stand up & defend myself but instead I chose to explore this a bit more to reflect & be more self aware. Sure enough my eyes were opened to all the Too Nice (people pleasers) in my world and the beautiful traits we shared as well as the Nice For What people in my world and some of the traits I lacked but needed to gain.
I learnt a few good things during this time and…..
Here are the top 3 things I learnt :
Lesson No.1) Haters Are Actually A Good Thing :
It’s so funny because I honestly did think that a good person who lived a good life would be a person that had no haters but gosh that could not have been any further away from the truth.
The presence of haters in your life actually means you are living your true life and not BENDING your life to please those around you.
People pleasers care way too much what people think and I would be lying if I said I didn’t care what people think about me, but it is a step too far to care so much what people think that you can’t be real about who you are. Are you real about who you are ? Or are you too worried about not upsetting those around you.
As a people pleaser we can diminish our shine to ensure others are comfortable! I mean hey they are more important than us right ? I love what TD Jakes advices Oprah below about owning you & letting go of The Disease to Please! When you own you & all of you…. haters come aside for the ride!
So if you have been like me and struggled to hold your own due to fear of the critics & those sipping on some haterade juice just remember:
PURPOSE always invites HATERS on the journey to greatness *sips tea*
Not everyone will like me, not everyone will like you which is a harsh reality but it’s better to get that now rather than spend the rest of our days trying to get everyone to like us.
Lesson No.2) Your Mental Health Matters
I love my job because I get into the nitty gritty of humanity but one thing my job has exposed me to is the epidemic of mental health problems that have gripped my generation. Those who know me well have heard me say multiple times,
“I am fed up of systems that bring NO change !”
People are struggling with the same thing year in & year out.
- Self Harm
- Panic Attacks
- Low Self Esteem
- Low Motivation
Why do I say this & how does this even relate to people pleasing? I say this because as people pleasers we are terrible of taking care of ourselves! We put others first all the time.
We struggle to say no & struggle to articulate our emotions. We fear rejection, guilt & disappointing others.
This leads us to be more prone to health problems especially mental health problems.
Gabrielle Union said in a recent interview that people pleasing is making everyone else happy at your own expense. What is your people pleasing costing you ? Take time to do you! Enjoy life, recharge, travel, have fun & take care of you too !
Lesson No.3 ) I Have Something Valuable To Bring
The more I continue on this journey of being less of a people pleaser, the more I grow in my understanding that I have something valuable to bring.
You have something valuable to bring too. An idea, a solution, a book within you!
When asked your opinion, say what you really think. Nice for What people say what they think, say what is bothering them, bring solutions & freshness! They think outside the box, are not afraid of conflict and disagreements in opinion.
We have creativity within us & for me I express it via blogging & writing. What is your vibe ?
Are you shining your vibe our hiding it because you feel not worth it. You have something valuable to bring ! Don’t be like the faces below never expressing your creativity & bringing forth who you really are.
So I guess to conclude, the journey of not being a people pleaser is one to be taken. And this is not free reign to be a complete numpty, idiot & mean girl. Lets leave Lindsey Lohan with that title.
This is a journey to live a completely HONEST / AUTHENTIC / UNAPOLOGETIC version of yourself.
Haters are a good thing
Your mental health matters
You have something valuable to bring
Please feel free to share any thoughts below on how you have learnt to live your life unapologetically below x