Let’s be honest people……THE STRUGGLE IS REAL OUT HERE!
Christian millennials dating today have to face so many things that previous generations did not have to face, making dating today MUCH MORE DIFFICULT than before!!
From getting ghosted (*when someone you like disappears without explanation) to awkward endless coffee dates, why has finding “The One” become more difficult of a mission than Frodo trying to destroy the ring in Lord of The Rings ?
HERE ARE MY TOP 5 REASONS:
1) WE STRUGGLE WITH DATING BECAUSE WE STRUGGLE TO DECIDE !
The mind of a millennial has become much like Tinder always swiping left and dismissing potential spouses.
We adore “spouse shopping” more than we adore building friendships !
I am sure many of you like myself have had the experience of the 2 minute interview in church before you can sense the person swiping you left & then moving on to interview the next person (*the next person being your BFF…GASP). The general “spouse shopping” interview questions are generally bland, boring & dare I say shallow.
I believe we need to stop seeing everyone as a potential spouse (wifey/ hubby) but instead a potential friend. As your friendship with that individual develops, your ability to decide will become easier. We have friends that we are closer to than others and this will be the case. There will be one girl or guy that you will like more and desire to pursue a relationship with.
2) WE STRUGGLE WITH THE ENDLESS CYCLE OF “COFFEE DATES” (*wait is it a date or a hang out) !
The problem with the coffee date, where do I start….
- Feels like another interview
- Low commitment
- Not creative
- Lack of opportunity of ones personality to shine
- You end up googling the question “Is going for coffee a date or a hang out?” just because of how common they are.
Don’t get me wrong, I love coffee dates because they are safe & one may leave at any point they wish but i do feel that with everything else we can do in this world our dates can be a bit more intentional, effective + FUN ! From going to museums, gigs, walking in the park, plane watching, appreciating art etc there is so much we can be doing that could reveal ones true personality.
Plus i doubt girls will google, “He took me to a gig, does that mean he likes me?” To which google will respond with …LIKE DUH!!
3) WE STRUGGLE WITH DATING BECAUSE WE CAN NEVER BE FOUND !
I hold up my hand and confess that I was super guilty of this. My favourite auntie always used to say to me “you will never find a boy here,” referring to her house! “You need to go out and be found, there are no boys here!”
You can pray all night and day for a partner but not involving yourself in any communities will dramatically affect your chances of getting one.
Let’s make ourselves available be it staying around after a service ends, being on a team, joining a small group, having a hobby or be it online. *Just a side-note though if it is online be careful…. I have a) watched way too much Catfish to know they are some legit snakes out there and b) seen some of the “Uncles” on there. So just be wise !
4) WE STRUGGLE WITH DATING BECAUSE WE TAKE OURSELVES WAY TOO SERIOUSLY AND FORGET TO HAVE FUN !
Dating should be so much fun and filled with laughter
Take the pressure off ! At times when we date in church we can feel pressure to go from 1st date to as French Montana says “she got the last name with the ring on it” but trust me take the pressure off. Just have fun getting to know each other.
I know the thought can suck at times that our dating experience will either end in marriage or breakup but i think we need not to become so overwhelmed by this. Whatever you do just aim to honour and respect the other person so that if it does end in breakup the person is left honoured after the break up.
On another note if you have been dating someone for more than 1 year then some form of discussion regarding the future should have been had.
It is also not fair to drag someone along. Intentions at any stage during the dating process should be very clear .
5) WE STRUGGLE WITH DATING BECAUSE GUYS ARE NOT ASKING GIRLS OUT & GIRLS ARE WAITING TO BE ASKED OUT!
Let me just set the record straight for any guy wondering out there…. GUYS LISTEN TO ME, GIRLS ARE WAITING TO BE ASKED OUT! This is the most common complaint I hear from the ladies.
The problem is we are only wanting to date our potential wife or husband so if a guy or girl does not fit our criteria of “52 Things I Am Looking For In My Potential Spouse” we automatically dismiss them and don’t even consider a date with them.
As the guys you need to be more bold and ask. As the girl you need to say yes. It works both ways.
Of course you don’t want to have the reputation of dating every girl or guy in church so be wise about it. This is not “Made In Chelsea” at the end of the day and you don’t want to be known for dating Lucy, Louise, Rosie, Toff, Frankie & Victoria *if you ever get the chance.
So finally as millennials striving to date well & with integrity let us remember always to treat each other how we would like to be treated, with respect & honour. Dating does not have to be a drag & boring !
Choose now to DECIDE, BE CREATIVE, BE AVAILABLE, HAVE FUN, ASK & SAY YES!
Here is to Happy Dating